I have spent the last several weeks rather distant from God. I didn't go to church, I didn't read much of the Bible, I tried to find God without that. I tried to notice God in the everyday parts of my life. Little to my surprise, I failed at that. The truth is, I couldn't have found God if I wouldn't of had the mindset (or the heartset) to see Him. I am not saying that we as Christians have to make an effort to find God because God found us. But I am saying that we must have the appropriate mindset to receive God.
The reason I did not find God is that I was not open to Him. I didn't think that I needed Him because I already knew everything about what it means to be a Christian. Truth is, I was wrong. I will always be wrong. The odd thing is that while I was distant from God, I also became distant from my relationship with my girlfriend, Kristi. She is at camp this summer and I talk to her on the phone every once in a while and when I am apart from God, I can't help but be cynical about the relationship that I have with her.
This is the old Adam, the separation from God. The sinfulness that eats away at relationships in the world today. The new life the newness that is found in the power of the Holy Spirit through the sufferings death and resurrection of Jesus Christ is what I want to spend my time on. Yesterday I went to church for the first time in three weeks and actually got something out of it. I got home and immediately felt the longing desire to open my Bible. This desire that I have missed for so long...
I began to think back to the times that I would find myself drawn to scripture and the study of God's grace for me. For all of mankind. This grace is the opportunity for all of mankind to start a new life. God forgets all of our sins the moment we commit them and this gives us the merciful chance to start over. How can I keep from proclaiming this with my every word and deed? My sin lately has been more of what I have failed to do than what I have done.
I am in an amazing relationship with the love of my life and when I say this you may be thinking God, but I am talking about Kristi. It is very ironic that God is also the love of my life and I see Him through her. But lately I have been so ravished by her that I have forgotten how great God is for giving her to me in the first place!
I have been so excited and can't even help but talk about my relationship with Kristi, why can't I be equally and more excited to talk about my relationship with Christ? Isn't God so much more than one human? Then I realized that the relationship that I have with God is reflective of the relationship I have with Kristi.
This is a bit of a tangent, but here is the imagery that I am looking at:
Bear with me, it is a diagram made from paint. I am not much of an artist but let me explain this the best that I can. This diagram was shown to me as a demonstration of a Christ-centered relationship. What happens is God "shines" His love down through Christ and it splits into two fragments much like a prism. Both Kristi and I receive God's love through Christ and Kristi and I are mirrors in this demonstration. God's love reflects off of us onto one another. Then the love of God reflects back onto Himself as we give all glory back to Him.
This is an incredible tangent, but I can make the connection to a new life because I cannot on my own accord accomplish this idea of a Christ-centered relationship. Not in the place that I was in, the old Adam cannot do this. Therefore, I have started a habit of dying to my old self every day through the words of the Lord's Prayer and contemplative silence to begin my day. This is the first day of that and all of my cynical thoughts of the love that Kristi has for me and the horrible self-deprecating doubts of messing things up with the perfect relationship have disappeared. All that I am left with is the love that God has shown to me. I don't deserve it in the least but that doesn't mean that I should question it. I should cherish it with every action.
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